October 23, 2024

​Denny I need to share something with you that disturbed me.
Sunday night when we hugged goodbye, I felt very uncomfortable with how you hugged me. You've never hugged me like this - you held me so tightly against your body, and in such a strong, forceful  restraining grip. I  wanted to get away from that, but when I tried to pull away I couldn't because you had me pinned so hard and tight against you.
It triggered me, from past sexual abuse where I was restrained. I tried hard to stuff the feelings down and not let it show, being in a group celebration setting.
I've never in 64 years been hugged like this, where I felt pinned & restrained.
I need you to know to NEVER do this to me again.
To take care of myself and feel safe, if we hug in the future, I will only do a small "side hug" for just a quick moment. That means not a face to face embrace, but angled, where only our sides touch.
It's important for me to tell you this, so you know how it affected me, and why our physical contact will  need to be different in the future.
I know you  care about how you affect others. I  appreciate your understanding, and respect of my physical  boundary.
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Love?
​October 25, 2024 – 7:24 p.m.  - Woman
Hi Denny. I want to be sure you know that I still love you just as much as before, and am still wanting to be in relationship with you. I know myself enough to know that  if I didn't share that upset with you, it would stay with me. I didn't want to feel different when I see you next, or talk with you, so I needed to share it - then I could let it go.
I love you and am in this relationship with you  for the long haul. You're still my friend & brother in law.
And for your book, I  still want to read it. After what Casey said to me, about it helping her understand you and your wounds in a deeper way, I knew I wanted that too. 
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SHOCKED!!! - My response

​October 25, 2024 – 10:04 p.m. - Man
Thanks.
I'm still shocked that you interpreted a hug in such a way  ... especially from me..     

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Aggression?
​October 30, 2024 – 10:32 a.m. - Woman
I had to think before I responded to this.
Yes, I was shocked too Denny. I love hugs, but I've never been  "hugged" so aggressively before, in the way that I described to you. Not from you, not from anyone.  Perhaps you don't remember it clearly.
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Invitation to a courageous conversation
​October 30, 2024 - 10:42 am - Man
I still have no idea where this is coming from.
Let's set up a Zoom call to sort things out
Maybe this Sunday.?????
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No Reply - Followup
​November 1, 2024 – 1:21 pm. - Man
If Sunday afternoon won't work to talk, please send me times that might work.
I still have no idea where this is coming from.
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Attack is still continuing
​November 1, 2024 –1:42 pm - Woman
Yes Sunday sounds good, I'm just waiting to confirm plans that day to know times I'm available. But it'll work.
November 1, 2024 –1:43 pm - Woman
Before that, if you don't know where  it's coming from, perhaps reread my initial text that explained it so you're more clear.
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Still beyond understanding​
November 1, 2024 – 1:46 pm - Man
I have read that many times and your perception is completely untrue. I'm deeply offended - and am willing to put that aside to sort out where your story is coming from.
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THIS CONVERSATION IS CLOSED!!!
​November 2, 2024 – 12:17 pm - Woman
Denny, since your last text I've thought more about your request to zoom Sunday, and I will not be attending.
I took the risk of sharing with you what your "hug" was like, that it felt very uncomfortable, and that I've never in 64 years experienced being "hugged" so aggressively with such  tight restraint that I couldn't pull away. I was held in that vice grip much longer than any previous hug with you. I felt trapped and restrained. By sharing this I opened a possibility of sharing and hearing each other.
I shared my experience with you Denny, not my "perspective".
I have said what I needed to say and I have set my boundary that if we hug in the future I will only do a brief side hug with you.
I do not feel heard, and thus there's no point in me staying in this conversation. I am now finished communicating with you about this.

             This conversation is closed.

July 2018 - 
Denny - you are my guardian angel. I love you.
Do you think I drink too much?